knockthemdead | ic inbox // hadriel

[The speed at which this day went from the best day of his life to the worst was honestly faster than Taako knew how to properly track. He was bored this morning, elated in the Coliseum, and now he honestly felt like he should just wander into the caves and blow some shit up before he did much else. He would've been fine if it wasn't for the last bit- Lucretia showing up was bad enough, but Lup running off to hang out after everything he told her stung worse than he thought it would.

So fine. She wants to run off and hang out with the person that betrayed him, he doesn't care. He can find other things to do.

He thinks about just staying in their room, but being there with her absence, especially in the wake of Lucretia's arrival, was too much. So he fishes his phone out, opts for text so his voice doesn't betray the emotional hits he's taken.]

hey krav
you find a place yet?
figure you probs dont have anything set up and ive got like a buuuuncha stuff here
so if youre in for a housewarming or whatever ive got nothin going on

[Over text, it's impossible to guess that anything might be wrong. A housewarming sounds like such an appealing, novel idea when Taako is the one proposing it, and Kravitz finds himself smiling at his phone, happily oblivious.]

I have, in fact, found a place. Spire 2, room 601. I'm not sure yet if it's permanent, but in the meantime, you should know you have an open invitation. A housewarming sounds [????] fun. [punches self]

[Thank god Kravitz doesn't ask questions. He's up as soon as he gets the response, grabbing wrapped leftovers from the fridge. Kravitz doesn't normally need to eat, but if he can't get out of here, who knows what other kind of mortal bullshit he might have to get used to.

More than anything, Kravitz may have seen him recently, depending on what he was doing before he got here, but for Taako, it's been months. Whether he was off it or not, he wants to see him. He wants to be somewhere familiar.]

great
be over in a few
also idk how able to die you are now but theres a box that makes fire in the kitchen
like not the stove it just lights the hell up so
dont touch that

[There you go Krav, that's more warning than Merle got. He slips out quietly and walks fast, head down and hat pulled over his face, just in case someone sees him. Thankfully, he's good at avoiding people when he wants to be.

He's at least outwardly composed by the time he reaches the apartment number Kravitz gave him, giving a rather loud knock at the door.]

[Sorry, but it's not your boyfriend this time. Just his twin. Though from the sounds of some animal mauling a couch in the background, it's definitely the same apartment as his.]

Sup, nerd.

[It takes a second for Krav to realize who he's talking to. This is really gonna take some getting used to, especially over calls.]

Having the time of my not-life. Undeath? Hm. I'll work on that.

[His apartment, by comparison, is mercifully quiet. Boring. Empty.]

What, ah, what can I do for you?

No touching the fire box. Understood.

[Kravitz opts for safety and just doesn't touch anything at all.

He has the urge to prepare though, to tidy, but there's nothing to exert his nervous energy upon anyway. It's new and empty and strange. Kravitz has never had a place to bring Taako, not exactly. Prisons aren't romantic.

Kravitz is quick to answer the door, and it's just clear as day on his face how pleased he is to see Taako, despite it not having been even a day.]

Welcome to my humble abode. Does abode sound too creepy? Welcome to my warm, inviting domicile- although that, now, is rather overstating it.

[All said with a smarmy grin. Come inside already so he can pay attention to you.]

[Don't worry, Krav. Lup is absolutely determined to make it as difficult as possible to tell the two apart. Just for you.]

I have to bounce for a bit, pick up a few things, check in on a friend. Wanna be a good bf and come keep an eye on my brother? I won't be gone long, an hour or two tops, but I just... [She trails off, ending her sentence in a quick shrug. Even if she's trying to go for casual, knowing Taako as he does, Kravitz may be able to pick up on her worry, just simmering there beneath the surface.]

Don't want him to roll out of bed and hurt himself or something, y'know?

[It does feel like there's something she's holding back, but Kravitz doesn't feel like he's in any position to inquire. They barely know each other, after all. He nods, wanting to be reassuring and yet entirely of his depth. How does one!!! Do that!!!]

Yes, of course. I'll even bring pillows to line the floor with.

[uh- uhhhhh-]

Are you. Is everything alright?

[Lup can be abrasive at times and a complete bitch at others. For once, she doesn't necessarily mean to come off so rude, it's just been an incredibly stressful week and she hates fielding stupid questions that should have a very obvious answer.

She glares, though coming through such a tiny device, the force behind it lessens a little.]

What do you think? Is everything peachy on your end? Having a blast with your reflection?

[While normally her anger would take a little more time to burn out, she's exhausted from the worry that's been eating at her the whole event, so she deflates almost immediately. She doesn't know much about Kravitz herself, but she's trying to not be a complete dick to her brother's boyfriend.]

I'm fine. Just come watch dingus for me. Please.

[He almost hates the surge of happiness he feels when he sees Kravitz smile, the way his heart feels full and his stomach feels tight when he sees him. It's not that he dislikes being happy, or seeing him, it's just the utter lack of control that happens when he does it. Like Kravitz has power over him, like he could get him to do anything, but he... doesn't. Kravitz is kind to him, is simply happy to have him in his presence.

It's everything he needs right now, and he's afraid the weariness shows on his face below the ever-lazy look.]

Krav, we all know nothing you just settled into is gonna be warm. But, as usual, I am prepared to make that sacrifice.

[He pushes his way in, leaning into Kravitz' arms just a bit when he passes. He wants to ask for this, something saccharine and close, but he just doesn't know how.]

I uh, I brought some food or whatever. Don't know if you're operating on having to be super alive now or anything but thought, y'know, your first act here being starving to death would totally suck.

[Something isn't quite right, even if Kravitz can't pinpoint it exactly. Taako is too well practiced at keeping things at bay for that. But it's there. In the curve of his mouth, the shadow over his eyes, the way he leans into Kravitz and yet still moves away. It makes his chest ache and feel hollow.

He closes the door gently, then walks over to take the food out of Taako's hands (give it an appreciate look, because nice) and set it down.]

Thank you. Truly.

[It's all far too excessive for a mere meal, and Kravitz knows he's likely being obvious. But he doesn't know how else to go about this, and he's aware that Taako won't ask for what he wants. He's running on hunches and guesses, here.

And so with the food out of the way, he collects Taako in his arms, and holds him tight.]

[Her acrid tone and the reminder of his own delightful reflection makes Kravitz flinch, which is. Interesting. Apart from, uh, that, (not fear, he's certainly not afraid of her, not at all) he feels aggravation rise in himself as well. He was trying to be nice, god damn it.

But Lup looks so tired. She looks exhausted, and she calls Taako a dingus, and says 'please'. He'd have to be a complete asshole to snap at his boyfriend's sister, wouldn't he? Especially like this.

He sighs, and nods.]

I'll leave now. I promise you, I'll keep a close eye on him. Taako will be alright.

[If he has any say in it, anyway.]

[The thing he never understands, more than anything else, is how Kravitz always seems to know when something is wrong.

It's not a sensation he's used to. Usually, only Lup is intuitive enough to know when something is truly wrong, to press into the cracks and joints of him and pull out the truth. For the longest time, it was just them, and the native ability to trust anyone else has been pulled and returned too much as of late for him to be comfortable.

But Kravitz doesn't ask, nor does he force. He accommodates. He removes his barriers, his biting words, his ugliness, and waits. Brings his defenses down but doesn't attack, even if it knocks the wind out of him like it might as well be a blow.

Kravitz holds him, and it's everything he wanted without ever needing to say the words.

Taako presses his head a bit more into his collarbone, hands immediately reaching up to grab at the front of his suit, tension shifting out of his shoulders to give pressure into the embrace.]

Yeah, well, don't go gettin' all used to it. Finding ingredients around here sucks, so you're gonna have to pull your weight if you wanna keep gettin' primetime snacks, buddy.

[He looks up towards Kravitz, internally afraid he's already let too much slip, that the grin on his face doesn't properly mask the still simmering anger and hurt from his meeting with Lucretia all too recently.]

Unless, y'know, you're just lookin' to skip the ingredients entirely and get down on me, at which point you do not need to even ask.

[He winks, just to make it worse.]

Right. [It isn't much, but at least his promise seems to ease a touch of the tension lining her shoulders. The woman pauses, looking like she's going to bark something like 'don't fuck this up!' or 'if you even think about hurting him...', but instead, she just sighs and utters a barely audible--] Thanks. [--before cutting the connection.

She'll wait for him to pop in before she hurries out the door. Just in case.]

[He's ready to shoot back with a teasing reply, but then Taako insinuates, and all of Kravitz's self professed 'wit' dies violently in a tire fire. He doesn't fight the way the flames of it lick at his cheeks until they're red; he gave up controlling that barely a few weeks into knowing Taako. ...A few hours, technically.

He swallows hard and does his best to step back though, (without actually stepping back) because he wants so badly to be good for Taako, and it doesn't take a genius to understand that one shouldn't allow their obviously somewhat out of it partner to bribe their way out of a serious conversation via innuendo.

But, it also doesn't take a genius to know that Taako struggles with serious. With vulnerability. He shoots for a balance, hands resting heavy on Taako's waist and throat dry.]

I do hope that's not an attempt to shut me up. But, ah, I'd be willing to help out if it meant more of this. [He nods towards the food.] I enjoy knowing you have made something with the intent of giving it to me. I'm somewhat selfish. Surprise.

[He pauses, and it seems like he's done, but then Kravitz speaks again, possibly over the top of Taako.]

Taako, is everything alright?

['Is everything'. Less personal than 'are you'.]

[His grin widens as the blush moves across Kravitz face, rolling his shoulders to push closer and thinking for a second he's successfully charmed the (maybe literal) pants off him when he talks again, and his first instinct is immediately to pull back. Taako can feel his posture tighten, suddenly too aware of all the breathing he's doing against Kravitz' nonmoving chest, how he can't quiet himself as much as he wants.

Because Kravitz asks, and for once, his second instinct is to answer.]

Fuckin' peachy my dude.

[Why does he feel so breathless? What is he afraid of, all of a sudden, here in Kravitz' arms? What is he even doing, this close, this trusting, giving himself over to... whatever this is?

He wants to press closer, and just doesn't know how. His forehead rests on Kravitz' collarbone now, head tilted down, like a kid hiding behind their parent's leg.]

Just, y'know. Everyone showin' up. Lots of people here from, uh, home and everything.

[Baby steps. Kravitz is removed from all of this, and explaining it to him feels insurmountable. But he doesn't want to let go.

He never, ever wanted to be alone.]

Edited (i just noticed a typo rip) 2017-09-20 01:29 (UTC)

[He almost, almost regrets asking. Taako feels strung tighter than a bow string, all edges and no curves, no give, and as much as it's what Kravitz expected, it's still scary, too. But that is nothing compared to the way he imagines Taako is feeling. Taako, who hides his tells so well. Who feels like he's coming apart in Kravitz's arms. That part is unexpected, and an awful lot, and enough to convince Kravitz that even if bit by painful bit, this needs to happen.

It's easy to imagine Taako keeping this quick beating heart under lock and key near constantly. He doesn't want that.

Kravitz runs one hand in careful circles against the small of his back; presses a kiss to the top of his head. Careful because he feels how big this seemingly vague comment is. How close he is. How this matters.]

... I see. [Kravitz wonders if maybe it's someone he would prefer was safe at home. Or- he bristles, just a little- someone he could do without seeing at all?] Taako... I want you to know I'm willing to listen anytime. You can talk to me about this, and I won't-

[His heart doesn't need to beat, but it's hurting like it wants to, like it needs to, and who is Kravitz to argue?]

I-I love you, Taako, and I have no intention of allowing you to shoulder anything on your own.

[He closes his eyes, even if Kravitz can't see, when he kisses his head, taking a breath and knowing he just needs to calm down. Needs to do... something, because he needs to talk to someone about this but he can't talk to Kravitz but he should? He's offering? He should take advantage of that, like cashing in a favor, and--

The thing Taako will be most embarrassed about, when he has time to think about it, is the way that Kravitz undoubtedly felt the way his heart beat faster when he hears the word love.

The second will be, of course, that his first thought is he could make it straight out the window, featherfall to the floor, and just start running as a completely viable option.

He doesn't do that, thankfully, because explaining it later would've been an utter disaster, but he does tense, feeling like his head is spinning and he just utterly doesn't know what to say. Does Kravitz expect him to say it back? Is he waiting for him to-- to bare everything out like that? It took so much to say that to even Lup, to think there was even anyone past that, how long it took to think of anyone else as family, it's...

This is too much. It's finally, finally too much. The panic, the uncertainty, the outright hurt, and it bubbles over and out of his eyes. He hates this. He hates being like this.

He hates that the whole time, he's still clinging to Kravitz like a lifeline.]

You don't have to.

[That... made no sense, he's realizing, even if it's the most genuine response Kravitz has probably ever heard out of him.]

I mean you don't, uh, have to be all mushy and shit, it's just... this place sure likes to bring in people I don't wanna fuckin' see before they even did the shit I care about. So there's not... can't really talk about it.

[He squeezes his eyes again, not looking at him, just trying to stop fucking crying. Taako heaves a breath from his chest, reaches up to quickly push away the tears, and finally looks up, letting go just enough, but not actually pushing Kravitz away.]

It just sucks. This place just, messing around. All of it sucks.

[Why do you do this, he'd asked once. Why are you doing this?

Because I'm afraid no one else will have me, Taako had answered, and Kravitz felt like he was standing on the edge of something dangerous and heartbreaking and maybe very wonderful and beautiful.

I will, he thinks now, I will always want you.

He's said it, and Taako isn't gone, isn't laughing at him or distancing himself or any number of things Kravitz would forgive without thought, forgive before they've even happened. He's holding onto Kravitz like nothing else is an option, and it's the first time he's seen him cry. It's an open door and a nail in his heart. It's new and it hurts.

When he speaks, it's a whisper pressed against an ear as he holds Taako tighter than he knew how to until now.]

I'm not saying this out of obligation, or with expectations, or as a misdirected idea of what will help you, Taako. I just want you to know. Have wanted you to know. Simply that.

[Taako pulls back, just a little, and Kravitz carefully grasps and raises a hand wet with tears to his lips. He understands that this, already, is a lot for Taako. Perhaps even his limit. But he's opened up, and Kravitz can't let what little he's allowed to slip through the cracks go without a response.]

Timelines being-- completely fucked around with does not invalidate whatever it is you're feeling. And I never need a reason to badmouth somebody with you. Anytime.

[Here it comes. The accent.]

We can 'ave a round of bitter banter, eh chap?

[Gods, he doesn't even say what he's really thinking, and Kravitz just knows in quiet reassurances he makes a point to make private only for him. He's genuine. Hes honest in the ways Taako could never be and he's realizing he just doesn't know how to handle being so utterly, unabashedly loved.

He also doesn't know how to handle Kravitz getting real reactions out of him, because he dips into the awful, awful accent, and he rolls his eyes much more dramatically than he needs to, dropping into that awful, echoy voice he used on their first date.]

Well if we're bringing out accents...

[Even he can't keep that up for more than like, a sentence, so it's quickly forgotten.]

Man, you must be real desperate for some Taako Time if you're resorting to effort, my dude. I mean honestly, I get it, I'm perfect, but all the dumb stops are flyin' off here.

[He laughs at the terrible voice, quiet but genuine.

When Taako calls him out, Kravitz doesn't deny it. He replies before he can think himself out of it.]

You are worth more than I have to give you, truthfully. [And that's a lot, and he knows it, so he follows it up quickly with a much less serious and saccharine:] I must know, what does Taako Time entail, exactly?

[Gods, Kravitz launches into worth and giving and he feels another surge of emotion in his throat, another messy, messy thing he can't and won't admit to having. This whole thing has been like that. Too many feelings, too much strife. And he can't say love, not yet, but there's another word he wants to try on his lips instead, somewhere private like they are.]

Mm, kind of a tricky thing, really. Tends to be whatever the hell I feel like doing.

[He takes an extra breath, which suddenly makes him nervous he's building up to something with this. Maybe he just needs to. Maybe everything he does has to be dramatic as hell for it to be worth it.]

But uh, tonight I think I'm feelin' some stuff with my boyfriend.

[There. Gods, he said it, and the permanence settles into his joints, a feeling almost akin to breathing in that calcified air in cycle 65, freezing himself in Kravitz' arms.

Better than last time, at least.]

[He can feel that tension, feel the lead up to something and he doesn't really know what to expect. After that has been said- and not said- Kravitz would understand if it was an awkward close to the conversation.

But it's not that at all, and as Taako is frozen, he melts, red faced and heart shuddering in ways that continue to amaze him. His hands settle heavy on Taako's hips as he tries to ground himself, and he speaks in an embarrassing stutter that betrays the emotion thick in his throat.]

Oh. I- oh. Yes, I'd rather like-

[He can't finish the sentence, can't even pretend to just casually play this off. Kravitz gives up his attempt and makes a noise like someone has punched him in the gut. Only it wasn't his gut, it was, like, his hand, and it wasn't a punch, it was just that someone held it, and it didn't hurt at all, he actually really liked it, and a punch in the gut is just not an apt metaphor at all.

He's really, really happy, and it's plain on his face.]

[Ugh, he just-- he's so sappy. Taako says one word and Kravitz can't even speak. It's flattering, of course, but it's not... it's not in the same way he's used to being flattered. When people adore him, when he lets sickly sweet words twist around his fingers and on his tongue, he knows it's superficial. It's like a dusting of powdered sugar on a cake, adding ambiance but not truly adding sweetness.

This... this is so syrupy it feels like it's going to choke him. Like Kravitz tapped a tree and it won't stop flowing, and it courses through his veins, making him warmer than he was before. He doesn't know it, but if Kravitz looks, he'll be able to see the tips of Taako's long ears going red, even through the color. Taako has this control, and he doesn't even want it. It's just. Saccharine. Unnecessary.

He never, ever wants to stop hearing it.]

Great, so you get the jist, babe, that's good.

[God, he needs to get this back on track or he's going to look like an idiot. He already cried on Kravitz, Taako needs to get his goddamn act together.]

Soooo, am I allowed to pick anything? 'Cause I've been here like three months by myself, babe. And you're pretty cold for this to be a housewarming.

ic inbox // hadriel

[text, backdated to later on the 10th]

[text] hey i love u

[text --> action] i'm lov u!!!

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ME AS HELL