ic inbox // hadriel

[knockthemdead]

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You've reached Kravitz. I'm attending to other business currently. Leave a message and I'll get back to you.

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[knockthemdead]

[He almost, almost regrets asking. Taako feels strung tighter than a bow string, all edges and no curves, no give, and as much as it's what Kravitz expected, it's still scary, too. But that is nothing compared to the way he imagines Taako is feeling. Taako, who hides his tells so well. Who feels like he's coming apart in Kravitz's arms. That part is unexpected, and an awful lot, and enough to convince Kravitz that even if bit by painful bit, this needs to happen.

It's easy to imagine Taako keeping this quick beating heart under lock and key near constantly. He doesn't want that.

Kravitz runs one hand in careful circles against the small of his back; presses a kiss to the top of his head. Careful because he feels how big this seemingly vague comment is. How close he is. How this matters.]

... I see. [Kravitz wonders if maybe it's someone he would prefer was safe at home. Or- he bristles, just a little- someone he could do without seeing at all?] Taako... I want you to know I'm willing to listen anytime. You can talk to me about this, and I won't-

[His heart doesn't need to beat, but it's hurting like it wants to, like it needs to, and who is Kravitz to argue?]

I-I love you, Taako, and I have no intention of allowing you to shoulder anything on your own.

[pocketspa]

[He closes his eyes, even if Kravitz can't see, when he kisses his head, taking a breath and knowing he just needs to calm down. Needs to do... something, because he needs to talk to someone about this but he can't talk to Kravitz but he should? He's offering? He should take advantage of that, like cashing in a favor, and--

The thing Taako will be most embarrassed about, when he has time to think about it, is the way that Kravitz undoubtedly felt the way his heart beat faster when he hears the word love.

The second will be, of course, that his first thought is he could make it straight out the window, featherfall to the floor, and just start running as a completely viable option.

He doesn't do that, thankfully, because explaining it later would've been an utter disaster, but he does tense, feeling like his head is spinning and he just utterly doesn't know what to say. Does Kravitz expect him to say it back? Is he waiting for him to-- to bare everything out like that? It took so much to say that to even Lup, to think there was even anyone past that, how long it took to think of anyone else as family, it's...

This is too much. It's finally, finally too much. The panic, the uncertainty, the outright hurt, and it bubbles over and out of his eyes. He hates this. He hates being like this.

He hates that the whole time, he's still clinging to Kravitz like a lifeline.]

You don't have to.

[That... made no sense, he's realizing, even if it's the most genuine response Kravitz has probably ever heard out of him.]

I mean you don't, uh, have to be all mushy and shit, it's just... this place sure likes to bring in people I don't wanna fuckin' see before they even did the shit I care about. So there's not... can't really talk about it.

[He squeezes his eyes again, not looking at him, just trying to stop fucking crying. Taako heaves a breath from his chest, reaches up to quickly push away the tears, and finally looks up, letting go just enough, but not actually pushing Kravitz away.]

It just sucks. This place just, messing around. All of it sucks.

[knockthemdead]

[Why do you do this, he'd asked once. Why are you doing this?

Because I'm afraid no one else will have me, Taako had answered, and Kravitz felt like he was standing on the edge of something dangerous and heartbreaking and maybe very wonderful and beautiful.

I will, he thinks now, I will always want you.

He's said it, and Taako isn't gone, isn't laughing at him or distancing himself or any number of things Kravitz would forgive without thought, forgive before they've even happened. He's holding onto Kravitz like nothing else is an option, and it's the first time he's seen him cry. It's an open door and a nail in his heart. It's new and it hurts.

When he speaks, it's a whisper pressed against an ear as he holds Taako tighter than he knew how to until now.]

I'm not saying this out of obligation, or with expectations, or as a misdirected idea of what will help you, Taako. I just want you to know. Have wanted you to know. Simply that.

[Taako pulls back, just a little, and Kravitz carefully grasps and raises a hand wet with tears to his lips. He understands that this, already, is a lot for Taako. Perhaps even his limit. But he's opened up, and Kravitz can't let what little he's allowed to slip through the cracks go without a response.]

Timelines being-- completely fucked around with does not invalidate whatever it is you're feeling. And I never need a reason to badmouth somebody with you. Anytime.

[Here it comes. The accent.]

We can 'ave a round of bitter banter, eh chap?

[pocketspa]

[Gods, he doesn't even say what he's really thinking, and Kravitz just knows in quiet reassurances he makes a point to make private only for him. He's genuine. Hes honest in the ways Taako could never be and he's realizing he just doesn't know how to handle being so utterly, unabashedly loved.

He also doesn't know how to handle Kravitz getting real reactions out of him, because he dips into the awful, awful accent, and he rolls his eyes much more dramatically than he needs to, dropping into that awful, echoy voice he used on their first date.]

Well if we're bringing out accents...

[Even he can't keep that up for more than like, a sentence, so it's quickly forgotten.]

Man, you must be real desperate for some Taako Time if you're resorting to effort, my dude. I mean honestly, I get it, I'm perfect, but all the dumb stops are flyin' off here.

[knockthemdead]

[He laughs at the terrible voice, quiet but genuine.

When Taako calls him out, Kravitz doesn't deny it. He replies before he can think himself out of it.]

You are worth more than I have to give you, truthfully. [And that's a lot, and he knows it, so he follows it up quickly with a much less serious and saccharine:] I must know, what does Taako Time entail, exactly?

[pocketspa]

[Gods, Kravitz launches into worth and giving and he feels another surge of emotion in his throat, another messy, messy thing he can't and won't admit to having. This whole thing has been like that. Too many feelings, too much strife. And he can't say love, not yet, but there's another word he wants to try on his lips instead, somewhere private like they are.]

Mm, kind of a tricky thing, really. Tends to be whatever the hell I feel like doing.

[He takes an extra breath, which suddenly makes him nervous he's building up to something with this. Maybe he just needs to. Maybe everything he does has to be dramatic as hell for it to be worth it.]

But uh, tonight I think I'm feelin' some stuff with my boyfriend.

[There. Gods, he said it, and the permanence settles into his joints, a feeling almost akin to breathing in that calcified air in cycle 65, freezing himself in Kravitz' arms.

Better than last time, at least.]

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[knockthemdead]

[He can feel that tension, feel the lead up to something and he doesn't really know what to expect. After that has been said- and not said- Kravitz would understand if it was an awkward close to the conversation.

But it's not that at all, and as Taako is frozen, he melts, red faced and heart shuddering in ways that continue to amaze him. His hands settle heavy on Taako's hips as he tries to ground himself, and he speaks in an embarrassing stutter that betrays the emotion thick in his throat.]

Oh. I- oh. Yes, I'd rather like-

[He can't finish the sentence, can't even pretend to just casually play this off. Kravitz gives up his attempt and makes a noise like someone has punched him in the gut. Only it wasn't his gut, it was, like, his hand, and it wasn't a punch, it was just that someone held it, and it didn't hurt at all, he actually really liked it, and a punch in the gut is just not an apt metaphor at all.

He's really, really happy, and it's plain on his face.]

ME AS HELL

[pocketspa]

[Ugh, he just-- he's so sappy. Taako says one word and Kravitz can't even speak. It's flattering, of course, but it's not... it's not in the same way he's used to being flattered. When people adore him, when he lets sickly sweet words twist around his fingers and on his tongue, he knows it's superficial. It's like a dusting of powdered sugar on a cake, adding ambiance but not truly adding sweetness.

This... this is so syrupy it feels like it's going to choke him. Like Kravitz tapped a tree and it won't stop flowing, and it courses through his veins, making him warmer than he was before. He doesn't know it, but if Kravitz looks, he'll be able to see the tips of Taako's long ears going red, even through the color. Taako has this control, and he doesn't even want it. It's just. Saccharine. Unnecessary.

He never, ever wants to stop hearing it.]

Great, so you get the jist, babe, that's good.

[God, he needs to get this back on track or he's going to look like an idiot. He already cried on Kravitz, Taako needs to get his goddamn act together.]

Soooo, am I allowed to pick anything? 'Cause I've been here like three months by myself, babe. And you're pretty cold for this to be a housewarming.

SAME TBH

[knockthemdead]

[He laughs a little, distant but not in a closed off way. Just overwhelmed, and, seconds later, when he comes back to himself more, embarrassed. Kravitz looks Taako over, awed and bright and now a little keyed up, and the subtle flush to his ears is probably the most endearing thing he's ever seen in his life.

It's reassuring too, a twist in his gut as he realises yet again that they're both stumbling through this.]

Yes. Anything. Of course.

[He curls one hand around the side of Taako's face, fingers pressing and weaving into the hair around his ear, the closest he dares get to touching them without making it obvious what he's looking at.]

Three months of absence I think deserves that much.

[He speaks as if he really does believe he has to make it up to Taako. As if he wasn't trapped, too.]

[pocketspa]

[Oh, he says anything, and desire claws at his gut, surging forward into action. He can save this. Kravitz is giving him an inch and he's about to take a continent.]

Deserves? Babe, we haven't even gotten into balances owed.

[He hooks his left leg around Kravitz' right, pressing his foot on the ground onto his tiptoes to press their bodies close and roll his hips in a very, very purposeful position.]

C'mon. Enough talk.

[knockthemdead]

[It's not like he didn't understand what they were talking about, or like he's not used to Taako being Taako, but the way they're suddenly flush against each other comes as a surprise all the same. It's a very different kind of twist in his gut now, and Kravitz is achingly aware of just how long it really has been. How much he wants this.]

You might be right.

[And then he's tilting his head down to press a kiss to Taako's jaw, work his way down to his neck as that hand tugs his hair back out of the way. They did just have a very serious discussion, but it feels like it ended pretty well, actually, and Kravitz feels good about it. About Taako.

Sue him, he wants to make out with his boyfriend. He missed this disaster elf.]

[pocketspa]

[He laughs, and it actually feels right. Something private, just for them, just the feeling of Kravitz' lips on him, the way his hands snake upward and fist into Kravitz' hair as he tilts his head back.]

Darling, I'm always right.

[And he will in no way complain.]